Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
It goes by so fast. That's all we could think of this year as we celebrated six years of marriage. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were still in college and passing each other notes. It seems like it was just yesterday that I entered papa bear's phone number in my flip phone for the first time. It seems like it was just yesterday that my maid of honor zipped me into my white dress... And yet it wasn't. There is a toddler still wearing her pajamas running around with her yellow taxi cab car around the house to prove it and a strong little boy in my belly kicking away as usual. There's papa bear's wedding suit we came across during the move that no longer fits and gray hairs and fine lines that underscore the fact that no, it really wasn't just yesterday.
There are memories good and bad (I like to call the bad ones "lessons") that will forever be seared into our minds that make up the puzzle that is our life together. We've seen a lot and done a lot over the course of six years together. We've moved four times, made two babies, had numerous jobs, grown a portly little dog, learned how to wield a drill (hooray! and thank you daddy for finally buying one for us and teaching us how to use it), dug each other out of snow banks during many a brutal winter at the cabin, learned patience and forgiveness, never forgotten how to laugh even when it seems like life isn't funny at all and accepted the facts that I will never finish what's in my glass whether it be diet coke or coffee and that papa bear will never make the bed properly.
Last year was the really "significant" anniversary - five years. But I think this year feels more significant to both of us. This spring really tested us in ways that we've never experienced before and we cleaved to each other more than ever before. When everything else falls apart and you only have each other it bonds you in a way that feels... well, sublime. No one will truly understand what we went through other than papa bear and the resilience, courage and wisdom that he showed during that time made me love and respect him on an even deeper level. And so looking back I only feel gratitude for that time.
I was having a conversation with a newly engaged loved one of mine and thinking back to those first years. They were tough, no doubt about it, but what made them tougher was that we had not yet formed the impenetrable team that we have now. When life tested us we suffered through it separately, often lashing out at each other in the process. We were on the windy and thorny path towards unity but we hadn't arrived yet and life frequently felt lonely and terrifying. And though life hasn't gotten any easier, in fact I would argue it's more stressful than it was back then, our bond and our deep understanding of each other's personalities and faults makes it easier to navigate those valleys.
We certainly don't have it all figured out and life is a never ending journey full of unexpected joy and sorrow but we are a little more patient, a little kinder, a bit wiser and a lot more understanding. And for that I am thankful. My hope is only that we continue growing learning and making wonderful memories together. Everything else is just irrelevant.
Friday, August 15, 2014
a cake to celebrate an engagement this past weekend
we're getting a lot of mileage out of these letters from the dollar bin
this has quickly become one of my favorite corners in this home
However, Birdie unfortunately has not been adjusting so effortlessly, at least when it comes to her sleep. It's partially our fault as her bedtime got pushed up to ungodly hours of the night (9:30 pm some days... oy vey!!) during the move and of course that just throws everything off. She's been waking up several times during the night almost every night. Some days the bottle will get her to go back to sleep but we've been co-sleeping with her way more often than I would like to count. It's tough on all of us, her included, as she is a much grumpier version of herself when she doesn't get her sleep. We're trying everything to fix it and drinking copious amounts of coffee in the meantime to keep ourselves awake. And in the end it all feels sort of futile anyway as we'll be bringing home a newborn in less than two months and we'll start the joyous sleep training cycle all over again...
Other than sleeping though, Birdie really does love it here. Her playroom was a hit and we have spent many hours reading and playing there with her. The last couple of weeks we have seen a spike in her interest in books and for two book lovers like ourselves it's been such a treat to witness. Every day she will take me by the hand, lead me to her playroom, pick out three or four books and invite me into the teepee where we will lay and read and re-read book after book after book. She's even begun to take books into her crib with her when she goes down for a nap. They are her favorite thing in the world right now and I hope that we can only strengthen that bond with time. Perhaps one of these days I'll share some of her favorites, just as a way to jot it down for memory's sake.
That all being said I am so, so very excited for the weekend!! It's the first weekend that is going to be completely free of any moving related chores and it's also our six year wedding anniversary so we're going to try and squeeze in something romantic at some point... I'm just looking forward to kicking back and enjoying our hard work and maybe visiting a farmer's market at some point. I hope the weather will be courteous as our plans kind of got rained out last weekend.
Wishing you a lovely one my dears!! Here's to soaking in the last weeks of summer!!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
By the time the leaves change I will have two in my arms. I will be a mother of a son and daughter and I will probably have less time to do, well, just about anything than ever before. With pumpkins will come sleepless nights and non-stop feedings and all the other joys that come with having a newborn. I just keep wondering if I'm up for it, if I have it in me to tend to more than one tiny little person. I tell myself that plenty of people have many more children than two and seem to do just fine but the whole unknown aspect of this change makes me dizzy with anxiety sometimes.
At other times however I think it's kind of wonderful that this boy will come into the world right in the middle of my favorite season. That his birthday will always coincide with leaf piles and pumpkin picking and apple pie. And I think it's wonderful that he and Birdie will be so close together in age and I flatter myself by thinking that "I got this."
That is part of the reason papa bear and I worked so hard to get this house set up as quickly as we did. We have no time to lose. Now that all the rooms are painted and boxes are unpacked I can start shopping for a double stroller, re-organizing the nursery, unpacking the newborn things that I carefully stowed away close to two years ago and washing all the baby boy clothes I've been slowly collecting over the course of this summer. Because let's face it August will be over before we know it and September will fly by and I'm just praying that it's all enough time.
And even though adding a newborn to our family will be difficult, just as having any number of children is difficult, I know that with his presence will come such an abundance of love and joy that is uniquely his own. In the same way that raising Birdie has been both the most challenging and incredible thing papa bear and I have ever attempted so it will be with our son. Kids are messy and hard and unpredictable but they also increase your capacity for love in ways that you never thought possible. They are more than dirty diapers and sleepless nights and tantrums - they are little people that somehow teach you more about life and love than you've ever read in a book or learned in a class.
So bring it on autumn! I got this!!